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Grey by killedmyhopes Grey by killedmyhopes
I spent a long time thinking how to explain this in a right way and how to explain my feelings about it in only a few words. I ended up with nothing, so I guess I just won't share them. Sorry.

Those are scars on the chest by the way.

Tumblr: [link]
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:iconcallmehe:
CallMeHe Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2013  Hobbyist
This is brilliant.
I know them feels. 
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2013
Thank you.
Only some peope can understand this drawing, I wanted to transmit that feeling to everyone.
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:iconbeef-bros:
Beef-bros Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
beautiful
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
Thanks.
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:iconwaritab:
WariTab Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012  Student Interface Designer
nice, lovely
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
Thanks.
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:iconwaritab:
WariTab Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012  Student Interface Designer
C:
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:iconchinyboi:
ChinyboI Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i like it ^^ especially male with a female shadow
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012
Thanks.
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:iconchinyboi:
ChinyboI Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
welcome ^^
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:iconwynonasaurus:
wynonasaurus Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012
I'm MTF, but I know exactly the kind of hurt you're going through. Beautiful piece, and although I'm on the other side, it speaks for me as well. Would you mind if I made a piece and linked this as inspiration?
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012
Thank you, and I'm glad you can relate to the picture, even tho it is not exactly about a MtF, I guess the pain is the same.
Of course not, it's an honour to inspire other people to create art. Please send me a link if you ever post it, I'd love to see it.
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:iconazuralura:
AzuraLura Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This person is transsexual, or have I misunderstood something?
I assumed that because it was said the lines on the chest are scars. It would fit in with the drawing, because this shadow should be the one of a female person, which is, in fact, male...?
I ask because I've got a transgendered friend which hates it when others call him 'she, her, female' instead of 'he, him, male'.
The picture is great, I really love it and the message behind it is meaningful and strong.
Even the title is good, because the person in the picture is neither black nor white -at least from the perspective of non-trans sexual persons- for me it's just a boy, who was born in the wrong body, but still a boy.
-Please correct me if I'm wrong.
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012
You're a hundred percent right. This is in fact kind of a portrait of how a transexual person might feel about themselves (at least from my perspective). Someone who just started or is already making the transition to change their gender, but still have traits of their "past self". The shadow represents I guess what the person was, or how other people decides to see them, refusing to acknowledge the real gender of the other person, and it's a shadow that lots of transgenders can't take off their backs (it would be a blue boyish shadow for a male to female trans of course). For many trans people, being called by the wrong pronouns is hard since they're trying to reach how they feel on the inside. So yeah, I totally understand your friend.

Thank you so much. I'm so glad at least one person catched the whole meaning behind this drawing. I mean, I think everyone could interpreter the art as they wanted to (which is awesome as well), but I'm happy to know my vision of it can be noticed. Also, it made me smile widely that you understood the meaning behind the title as well. And yeah, it's a boy. Sadly a boy who was born with the wrong body, but a boy anyways. I strongly believe that genitals don't define your gender.

There's nothing to correct, I should actually applaud you (and hug you) for taking your time to analyze my art. Thank you so much again~
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:iconazuralura:
AzuraLura Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. -I am glad to have correctly understood your image.
To be pushed into shades of grey often hurts -others don't want to see different people like my friend and me and the charakter you've drawn.
Other human beings -which doesn't or won't accept and give a try to unterstand our feelings-want to see the body, and only the body. Not the heart or maybe the soul, which really describes the gender. -Not only the body a person was born with.
...I hate it being called a freak or something like that.
I'm just a human being and so is my friend. And you if you're transgendered, too...?
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012
It hurts, and it's hard because most of us even if we don't admit it, try to get acception from the ones we love. But only a few make an effort and try to understand.
For the rest of the world (sadly, a big part of it), the body is important. They only care what's between your legs and they think that defines you. Which is wrong. Is wrong to assume anyone's gender just based on their genitals. Nobody cares about the person's heart or how they feel on the inside.

I guess I got used to being called a freak, a fag/dyke, weirdo and many other names. It still hurts of course, but I kinda got used to them as I got older. When I was in school it was rough, specially because I didn't understand myself either at that time.
I'm more like a genderqueer I guess (if I have to put a name to it because I haven't been into any transition), but I do identify myself as a male most of the time. I was born with a girl's body, but I've never felt like one. I was pushed to act like one, to be a lady because "that's how things are", and I always fought back. I'm just not a girl even if I have boobs (which I'm always covering with a binder). Oh, I use male pronouns as well, since I feel more comfortable with them.
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:iconbattleofserenity:
BattleofSerenity Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
This really speaks to me because I also am trans. I had the name calling done to me too. So much pain and scars from all of the pushing to be more "lady like." I never shaved my legs in school and even my father tells me its gross to this day. If only he understood why I didn't like doing it. I am also a huge computer geek which kind of speaks to why I am the only "woman" working in a store with all men, lol. I like ot think it's an all man store XD.

May I ask where you got your chest binder? Now that I am around more supportive people I would like to cross over sometimes. Are there any packing recommendations you could make as well? Thanks in advance!!
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2012
I'm glad you can identify with my art. It makes it feel like I did a good job portraying how it feels to be in the wrong body.
I haven't shaved my legs or armpits in a long time, and of course I get the mock of my family and some disgusting comments from people who have seen me (which are only a few since I wear long pants and hoodies most of the time) every once in a while, but I try not pay attention to them. Stereotypes are stupid. Women are supposed to be "hairless", which is ridiculous, tho I haven't shaved because I wanted my legs to look more "manly" type.

My chest binder is actually an improvisation I made with some things I had in my house, 'cause I needed to see my chest the way I feel is right. It's not a real proper binder, I use one of my mom's elastic shirts (like the ones that push your belly so you look thiner) bended over my breast, and then a another tight shirt on top of it to make it look more "realistic". I don't have enough money yet to buy a binder online (since I don't have any place in my country to buy them), but I know I few sites that are pretty cool (tho expensive). This site is really awesome and has lots of different types of binders, you should check it out [link] (I have a few favorites)
Hope the info is helpful ^ ^ and it's great that you have people who support you! Oh and sorry for the late reply.
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:icondjpaw:
DJpaw Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i love how this looks like! beautifuly drawn, and we can see alot of emotions!
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012
Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.
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:icondjpaw:
DJpaw Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
no problem :)
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:iconnekophoenix:
nekophoenix Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Professional General Artist
Though I may not know the exact nature of what's going on, I can get a fair idea, and I can see how much emotion and loud, chaotic thoughts went into this oddly silent piece.
Love the subtle grain texture on the shadow, and the shading on the skin :3
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012
Thank you. It means a lot to me that someone else can perceive some of the feelings I had while I was drawing this. I tried to put them all in it so I could feel some relief. Thank you so much again ♥
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:iconcatsseye:
CatssEye Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Wow, this is amazing. Honestly I'm at a loss of words... I really love this for some reason...
And it's okay, feelings are god damn hard to explain.
Really love this though :heart:
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
Thank you. It makes me so happy to know that another person loves this drawing.
And yeah, it's hard... and since I didn't want to write a long rant about how much this art means to me, I thought it was better to just keep the explanations to myself.
Thank you again♥
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:iconcatsseye:
CatssEye Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem :)
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:iconbludragon77:
bludragon77 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
Aww, poor thing. I wanna hug him.

...Cute undies though <3
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
Hehe, thanks.
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:iconceasararcana:
CeasarArcana Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm not totally sure if this is a nod to Trannies, Bi-Genders, Tom-girls, or Gays...
Care to enlighten me?
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
You can interpret the drawing however you want.
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:iconceasararcana:
CeasarArcana Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Student General Artist
Oh... Okay then...
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
Sorry, I'm not trying to be rude or anything.
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:iconceasararcana:
CeasarArcana Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Student General Artist
Oh, it's alright. I just hate trying to find an undisclosed meaning in a piece that's more abstract/impressionist than realistic.
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
I don't think there's too much meaning behind what I draw, I thought it was kinda obvious when I pointed out the scars on the chest that the kid was a FtM transgender. I guess I was wrong.
This drawing has so many feelings I keep locked inside that it's hard for me to explain it properly. That's why I decided not to.
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:iconhisironicprincess:
hisironicprincess Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Student General Artist
Oh honey all I can say is hugs and kisses and ily forever and always!~
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
<3
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:iconhisironicprincess:
hisironicprincess Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Student General Artist
<3 <3
if you needme i'm always here eh?
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
Thanks hun, I really appreciate it.
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:iconhisironicprincess:
hisironicprincess Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Student General Artist
ofc honeybee

my ipods having issue so i cant get on fb
but
derop me a note or email my gmail if you need me ok? <3
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
I will. Thanks again.
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:icon8bitdust:
8bitDust Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
<3
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
<333
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:icontg-timmy:
TG-Timmy Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very interesting... I like it :)
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:iconkilledmyhopes:
killedmyhopes Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012
Thank you.
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August 8, 2012
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